Bit mixed up

Today has been a bit of a mixed day really.

I feel so alone at the moment: At college – all of my mates are in couples or have ‘crushes’  and are all tied up in their own thing. With Scott – he’s achieving so much with his football I feel like I’m letting him down because I haven’t really achieved anything in the whole time we’ve been together, he’s always raising money for a charity, working, playing football for his college team… doing so much and I’m proud of everything he’s done but me, I’m doing nothing. No wonder he called me a loner on the phone today…

The good point in my day – my signed Alan Sugar book arrived… But I won’t reading it any time soon because I have too much work to do.

Family won’t talk to me about anything they’re all to busy doing their own thing.

Me and Scott hardly get to talk anymore, either I’m working, he’s out with his mates, I’m doing college work, he’s doing college work, he’s playing football… it’s so hard to just have a conversation anymore.

I wish I felt like I had close friends like I used to but ever since I started college I haven’t felt like I’m close to anyone there anymore.

I wish I could do something –to make people (my family & Scott) proud of me. To make them notice and not think I’m a waste of space.

Part of me wants to cancel my 18th and just forget about it all… What’s the point in celebrating when I have no one to celebrate with – I was meant to sort out going for a meal with my mates but, I don’t really know if I want to. I don’t see the point in going out to celebrate with my family either when I hardly talk to them anyway…

Love, Stacey xxx

So close but yet so far…

I found a piece of software that give you countdown clocks on your desktop – it’s really great…

19 days until me and Scott see each other in half term

36 days until I’m 18

38 days until Scott stays at mine for the weekend after my 18th

39 days until my birthday meal

I thought it was a pretty neat invention!

Today I decided I need to start eating a bit more healthily because at the moment all I’m doing is eating junk and it’s starting to show because for the first time in my life I’ve put on weight…. I look horrible now…

Not a lot has happened really today, I was at college until 12.20 and then I got to go home. I’ve been trying to catch up with all my work that I’m behind on, so far I’m not even half way through.

This is what taking two lessons off ill does…

Me and Scott are still getting better each day – I miss him so much, but we’re so close to seeing each other – I really can’t wait… I love him so much. I still feel really guilty for how I treated him yesterday and what I said… I just want to spend some time together, just me and him – no one else, just us.

Love, Stacey xxxx

Hot and Tired

I’m all wrapped up in bed writing this… My cold has come back and I’m absolutely shattered.

It’s just felt like such a long day with the heat and everything else – I had a flat tyre this morning so I had to go to work at half 8 this morning (I had an hour and a half to kill, but Scott phoned me – I was planning on doing my Business homework but it didn’t happen).

I did get paid today which means I can start paying for the things I needs to – the list is pretty long… I bought myself a Chinese tonight because I wanted to treat myself to something.

I feel lost talking to Scott… We’ve hardly spoken all day… There again I have been at work and he’s out tonight and wasn’t up early enough to talk to me this morning (I don’t blame him to be honest).

I’m going to try and get my head down now because I’m absolutely shattered.

Love, Stacey xxxx

All work and no play

I have so much work to do, and I don’t know where to start with any of it, why do all the teachers give it to you at the same time? So many deadlines coming up! Oh well, at least it should make the next three weeks speed up a bit so that I’m with Scott sooner…

I’m so looking forward to spending some time with Scott, I really miss him. I miss having cuddles, and being able to kiss whenever we want. I just want to spend some time together. So many things are getting in the way at the moment that we don’t get to talk like we were, and I really enjoy talking loads (not as much as I enjoy spending time together) but we're both so busy… I’m going to have to put something on hold so we can talk more again….

Anyways back to my business studies work again.

Love, Stacey xxxxx

I want to sleep…

This won’t be a long post because I’m tired and starting to feel really ill again.

Not a lot has happened today because I stayed home feeling ill, I got some media work done, wrote quite a bit for my poetry blog – the traffic to it has been crazy today when I last looked it was at 80 hits!

I got to watch Lord Sugar’s twitter signing of his new book, I tried to get a free signed book, but didn’t so my Dad ordered me a signed copy! Can’t wait till it arrives there is only 250 signed copies.

Not a lot else to say

Love Stacey xxxx

So ill…

I’ve been feeling so ill today, all I’ve wanted to do is sleep. I’m going to try have an early night.

I ended up only having one lesson at college today because I couldn’t concentrate, my temperature was going crazy and I felt really faint. So half way through the day I went home.

If I still feel ill tomorrow I might take the day off because I only have one lesson and that’s ICT and I can do the work from home. So I could get away with taking some time to rest.

Because I’ve been ill I haven’t really done a lot today, hopefully I’ll have more energy tomorrow!

I need to write this pretty quick because I want to phone Scott and cheer him up before I go to sleep.

Love, Stacey xxx

Bad day!

Today can only be described as a disaster. Yes a disaster.

I had to cycle to work in the rain, nearly got killed by a car coming the wrong way down a one way street.

I’ve pretty much spent the rest of my day at college in a complete daze – I haven't been able to focus on anything at all. So this evening I’ve had to write loads of notes that I was meant to do in my lessons – I’m behind on my media work already, just hoping Jake finished our group presentation for media tomorrow.

So annoyed that my cold has come back – I guess I’ll be going back to just having a few hours of sleep a night. Not really what I need when I’m at college all week, work all weekend and then college all weekend again! Not having a break for about 2 weeks.

I’m so looking forward to seeing Scott, with this cold at the moment I’m in a really cuddly mood and all I want to do is cuddle up with him and go to sleep – but I can’t. Just 3 weeks and 6 days until we’re together. I want to have another really long conversation with Scott like we did the other day but I’m so bogged down with all this work for college and trying to prove my tutor (who thinks I won’t get into uni) wrong, that it feels impossible to talk to him – whenever I have frees at college he has lessons, when he has frees I have lessons, when we’re both at home we have work to do, when we don’t have work to do one of us needs to go out – life is so difficult sometimes.

My website that I’ve been working on is really coming together now! I just need to come up with a couple more pages then I need to start marketing everything! I’m really looking forward to it all, and making a real go of it.

I have a really long day at college tomorrow – not looking forward to it. All in all it hasn’t been a good day. Hopefully tomorrow things will be better.

Love, Stacey xxx