Bit mixed up

Today has been a bit of a mixed day really.

I feel so alone at the moment: At college – all of my mates are in couples or have ‘crushes’  and are all tied up in their own thing. With Scott – he’s achieving so much with his football I feel like I’m letting him down because I haven’t really achieved anything in the whole time we’ve been together, he’s always raising money for a charity, working, playing football for his college team… doing so much and I’m proud of everything he’s done but me, I’m doing nothing. No wonder he called me a loner on the phone today…

The good point in my day – my signed Alan Sugar book arrived… But I won’t reading it any time soon because I have too much work to do.

Family won’t talk to me about anything they’re all to busy doing their own thing.

Me and Scott hardly get to talk anymore, either I’m working, he’s out with his mates, I’m doing college work, he’s doing college work, he’s playing football… it’s so hard to just have a conversation anymore.

I wish I felt like I had close friends like I used to but ever since I started college I haven’t felt like I’m close to anyone there anymore.

I wish I could do something –to make people (my family & Scott) proud of me. To make them notice and not think I’m a waste of space.

Part of me wants to cancel my 18th and just forget about it all… What’s the point in celebrating when I have no one to celebrate with – I was meant to sort out going for a meal with my mates but, I don’t really know if I want to. I don’t see the point in going out to celebrate with my family either when I hardly talk to them anyway…

Love, Stacey xxx

So close but yet so far…

I found a piece of software that give you countdown clocks on your desktop – it’s really great…

19 days until me and Scott see each other in half term

36 days until I’m 18

38 days until Scott stays at mine for the weekend after my 18th

39 days until my birthday meal

I thought it was a pretty neat invention!

Today I decided I need to start eating a bit more healthily because at the moment all I’m doing is eating junk and it’s starting to show because for the first time in my life I’ve put on weight…. I look horrible now…

Not a lot has happened really today, I was at college until 12.20 and then I got to go home. I’ve been trying to catch up with all my work that I’m behind on, so far I’m not even half way through.

This is what taking two lessons off ill does…

Me and Scott are still getting better each day – I miss him so much, but we’re so close to seeing each other – I really can’t wait… I love him so much. I still feel really guilty for how I treated him yesterday and what I said… I just want to spend some time together, just me and him – no one else, just us.

Love, Stacey xxxx

Hot and Tired

I’m all wrapped up in bed writing this… My cold has come back and I’m absolutely shattered.

It’s just felt like such a long day with the heat and everything else – I had a flat tyre this morning so I had to go to work at half 8 this morning (I had an hour and a half to kill, but Scott phoned me – I was planning on doing my Business homework but it didn’t happen).

I did get paid today which means I can start paying for the things I needs to – the list is pretty long… I bought myself a Chinese tonight because I wanted to treat myself to something.

I feel lost talking to Scott… We’ve hardly spoken all day… There again I have been at work and he’s out tonight and wasn’t up early enough to talk to me this morning (I don’t blame him to be honest).

I’m going to try and get my head down now because I’m absolutely shattered.

Love, Stacey xxxx