Wow need to get back into posting on here!

Loads of things have happened since I lasted posted on here!

I’m now 18, and engaged! – I had the most amazing birthday and I got to spend the weekend after it celebrating with Scott!

Christmas is just round the corner – I have got all my presents and they’re all wrapped! I’m so excited about it! Me and Scott are going to have our own little Christmas when he comes to stay which I’m really excited about!

I’m about to start my first charity challenge, you can read about it here http://www.justgiving.com/esjaeofficial.

I will post here more!

Love, Stacey xx

Busy day today

Yesterday I was at work all day, I ended up feeling so tired because I wasn’t used to it. It was quite quiet really. They had put me on the rota for next Saturday but luckily Becka has agreed to work it for me. We got to finish work early too which was a bit of a bonus – although it does mean we’re going to lose some money…

Me and Scott have been together for 19 months today, I’m so lucky to have him and I can’t wait to spend my birthday celebrating it with him.

This next week is going to be amazing I’m really looking forward to it.

Today I’m going to see my Nan and Granddad, then going to do some filming for my media coursework, and at some point I need to finish sorting out my caravan.

Love, Stacey xx

Crazy day

Yesterday was crazy busy…

I forgot my keys and then I had a flat tyre so I only just made it to my first lesson on time.

Media was a bit of a disaster we were told our music video was rubbish and we needed to film loads of new footage to improve it, which we don’t have to time to do! But I’m going to have to fit it in at some point this weekend!

The rest of yesterday was pretty much a rush to get my UCAS application into my tutor – I didn’t think I would be that bothered about doing it but I was, maybe that’s a hint at what I want?

I have been thinking about uni, I know I want to go – I means I’ll be closer to Scott, and will give me better options in the future which will give me the chance of a better job. Plus I’ll get long holidays and Scott would be able to stay with me… plus it’s not that long to go, only 10/11 months but 7/8 till I finish college.

Business last lesson was pretty good, I even got asked to help on open evening but I can’t because it’s on my birthday, it’s a shame because it would have been good to add to my CV.

Last night me and Scott had a really good chat, I can’t wait for next weekend – I just wish it was longer than a couple of days!

I’ll post about today tonight – I was just too tired to write anything last night.

Oh yeah there is new portraits of various celebrities on my facebook page, Danny from McFly, Cheryl Cole, Chris Brown and a couple of others -  go and check it out:

https://www.facebook.com/theesjaeofficial 

Love, Stacey x

Ill

Not had too great a day today… But it has been good in some ways!

I had to ride my bike to college today with a flat tyre which wasn’t so fun because it made it so much hard work and took way longer than the journey should have been.

Business lesson today was okay, I got a little bit bored with it because, we were talking about legal stuff and unions and I’m not too interested in that.

In my 4 hour free I got my lunch (a sausage roll and a chocolate muffin), watched the only way is Essex because I needed to catch up on the last two episodes (I love team Jerk) and I had a nice catch up with Lizzie and Abbey – I haven’t seen either of them in ages!

My last lesson was ICT we did two worksheets and then we got to go home which wasn’t too bad and because I had a flat tyre my Mum and Dad came and picked me up which was pretty good!

Since I’ve been at home I’ve spoken to Scott (we were going to have a proper conversation tonight but he’s been too interested in vampire diaries) I’m glad we’re good again and have sorted everything out, and we’re so close to being normal again! I had a family dinner tonight which doesn’t usually happen normally we all eat at different times so it was good to all sit down together. I drew a portrait of Dobby from Harry Potter as well – it didn’t take me too long and the result is pretty good!

https://www.facebook.com/theesjaeofficial#!/theesjaeofficial << you can see it there!

Think it’s just about time for bed, got another long day tomorrow! A week tomorrow me and Scott will be together again, I’m so looking forward to it, hopefully we’re going to the cinema together, if not we can watch dvds and cuddle up at mine, then we’re going shopping together, going for dinner with my family – next weekend is going to be so good! I really do love spending time with Scott!

Love, Stacey xx

It’s been a while

I haven’t written on here in nearly a month! I didn’t mean to neglect this blog but things just got really busy…

Well I spent most of the month working, it was good fun really I enjoy working and it means I have some money to actually put away and save and some money for shopping next weekend!

A week today and I’m going to be 18! It’s crazy how much has happened over those 18 years – If I’m honest I didn’t think I would still be here today… I’m looking forward to celebrating it with Scott and my family.

Half term was great I got to spend the whole week with Scott. We went on our second holiday together. His family invited me on their canal boat holiday, I’ve never been on a canal boat before and I really enjoyed it. I got to go ringing again too which I haven’t done in ages and I’m hoping to get back into over the next couple of weeks.

Last night things happened between us. I saw something that I thought I would never see and it really hurt me, but it did make me realise how much Scott does mean to me and how I want our relationship to be forever, he’s the only one who has ever made me this happy. Last night after I fell asleep I woke up in the early hours of the morning and I went to put my arms around Scott and cuddle up but then I remember where I was and that Scott wasn’t next to me like he has been for last week. It really upset me because after everything that was said I just wanted a cuddle and to hear him tell me everything is going to be okay.

The moments that mean the most to me are the ones we can only relive in our minds…

I made a really good pumpkin for Halloween it looked like a lion.

I’m thinking of leaving college because I’m not enjoying it anymore, I want to be closer to Scott as well, I want to be earning my own money and to be independent. I want me and Scott to have the relationship we should have, that I know we can have.

I wasn’t looking forward to my 18th but I am now because of how close it is and the fact that I can celebrate it with Scott, it will make it even more special – and I can’t wait for him to meet my family.

Since yesterday my throat has been hurting and it’s been getting worse so that it now hurts to swallow, I hope it isn’t tonsillitis – last time I had it I couldn’t eat or sleep for ages.

I want the next week to hurry up so I can spend more time with Scott. I can’t wait to go shopping with him.

Love Stacey xx

Bit mixed up

Today has been a bit of a mixed day really.

I feel so alone at the moment: At college – all of my mates are in couples or have ‘crushes’  and are all tied up in their own thing. With Scott – he’s achieving so much with his football I feel like I’m letting him down because I haven’t really achieved anything in the whole time we’ve been together, he’s always raising money for a charity, working, playing football for his college team… doing so much and I’m proud of everything he’s done but me, I’m doing nothing. No wonder he called me a loner on the phone today…

The good point in my day – my signed Alan Sugar book arrived… But I won’t reading it any time soon because I have too much work to do.

Family won’t talk to me about anything they’re all to busy doing their own thing.

Me and Scott hardly get to talk anymore, either I’m working, he’s out with his mates, I’m doing college work, he’s doing college work, he’s playing football… it’s so hard to just have a conversation anymore.

I wish I felt like I had close friends like I used to but ever since I started college I haven’t felt like I’m close to anyone there anymore.

I wish I could do something –to make people (my family & Scott) proud of me. To make them notice and not think I’m a waste of space.

Part of me wants to cancel my 18th and just forget about it all… What’s the point in celebrating when I have no one to celebrate with – I was meant to sort out going for a meal with my mates but, I don’t really know if I want to. I don’t see the point in going out to celebrate with my family either when I hardly talk to them anyway…

Love, Stacey xxx

So close but yet so far…

I found a piece of software that give you countdown clocks on your desktop – it’s really great…

19 days until me and Scott see each other in half term

36 days until I’m 18

38 days until Scott stays at mine for the weekend after my 18th

39 days until my birthday meal

I thought it was a pretty neat invention!

Today I decided I need to start eating a bit more healthily because at the moment all I’m doing is eating junk and it’s starting to show because for the first time in my life I’ve put on weight…. I look horrible now…

Not a lot has happened really today, I was at college until 12.20 and then I got to go home. I’ve been trying to catch up with all my work that I’m behind on, so far I’m not even half way through.

This is what taking two lessons off ill does…

Me and Scott are still getting better each day – I miss him so much, but we’re so close to seeing each other – I really can’t wait… I love him so much. I still feel really guilty for how I treated him yesterday and what I said… I just want to spend some time together, just me and him – no one else, just us.

Love, Stacey xxxx

Hot and Tired

I’m all wrapped up in bed writing this… My cold has come back and I’m absolutely shattered.

It’s just felt like such a long day with the heat and everything else – I had a flat tyre this morning so I had to go to work at half 8 this morning (I had an hour and a half to kill, but Scott phoned me – I was planning on doing my Business homework but it didn’t happen).

I did get paid today which means I can start paying for the things I needs to – the list is pretty long… I bought myself a Chinese tonight because I wanted to treat myself to something.

I feel lost talking to Scott… We’ve hardly spoken all day… There again I have been at work and he’s out tonight and wasn’t up early enough to talk to me this morning (I don’t blame him to be honest).

I’m going to try and get my head down now because I’m absolutely shattered.

Love, Stacey xxxx

All work and no play

I have so much work to do, and I don’t know where to start with any of it, why do all the teachers give it to you at the same time? So many deadlines coming up! Oh well, at least it should make the next three weeks speed up a bit so that I’m with Scott sooner…

I’m so looking forward to spending some time with Scott, I really miss him. I miss having cuddles, and being able to kiss whenever we want. I just want to spend some time together. So many things are getting in the way at the moment that we don’t get to talk like we were, and I really enjoy talking loads (not as much as I enjoy spending time together) but we're both so busy… I’m going to have to put something on hold so we can talk more again….

Anyways back to my business studies work again.

Love, Stacey xxxxx

I want to sleep…

This won’t be a long post because I’m tired and starting to feel really ill again.

Not a lot has happened today because I stayed home feeling ill, I got some media work done, wrote quite a bit for my poetry blog – the traffic to it has been crazy today when I last looked it was at 80 hits!

I got to watch Lord Sugar’s twitter signing of his new book, I tried to get a free signed book, but didn’t so my Dad ordered me a signed copy! Can’t wait till it arrives there is only 250 signed copies.

Not a lot else to say

Love Stacey xxxx

So ill…

I’ve been feeling so ill today, all I’ve wanted to do is sleep. I’m going to try have an early night.

I ended up only having one lesson at college today because I couldn’t concentrate, my temperature was going crazy and I felt really faint. So half way through the day I went home.

If I still feel ill tomorrow I might take the day off because I only have one lesson and that’s ICT and I can do the work from home. So I could get away with taking some time to rest.

Because I’ve been ill I haven’t really done a lot today, hopefully I’ll have more energy tomorrow!

I need to write this pretty quick because I want to phone Scott and cheer him up before I go to sleep.

Love, Stacey xxx

Bad day!

Today can only be described as a disaster. Yes a disaster.

I had to cycle to work in the rain, nearly got killed by a car coming the wrong way down a one way street.

I’ve pretty much spent the rest of my day at college in a complete daze – I haven't been able to focus on anything at all. So this evening I’ve had to write loads of notes that I was meant to do in my lessons – I’m behind on my media work already, just hoping Jake finished our group presentation for media tomorrow.

So annoyed that my cold has come back – I guess I’ll be going back to just having a few hours of sleep a night. Not really what I need when I’m at college all week, work all weekend and then college all weekend again! Not having a break for about 2 weeks.

I’m so looking forward to seeing Scott, with this cold at the moment I’m in a really cuddly mood and all I want to do is cuddle up with him and go to sleep – but I can’t. Just 3 weeks and 6 days until we’re together. I want to have another really long conversation with Scott like we did the other day but I’m so bogged down with all this work for college and trying to prove my tutor (who thinks I won’t get into uni) wrong, that it feels impossible to talk to him – whenever I have frees at college he has lessons, when he has frees I have lessons, when we’re both at home we have work to do, when we don’t have work to do one of us needs to go out – life is so difficult sometimes.

My website that I’ve been working on is really coming together now! I just need to come up with a couple more pages then I need to start marketing everything! I’m really looking forward to it all, and making a real go of it.

I have a really long day at college tomorrow – not looking forward to it. All in all it hasn’t been a good day. Hopefully tomorrow things will be better.

Love, Stacey xxx

Short but sweet

I’ve been at work today so right now I feel really tired – Scott reminded me to write this just as I was about to say I was going to bed!

It was overly busy at work but it was busy enough that we weren’t bored, next week I’m working both Saturday and Sunday – I’m going to be dead although it does mean that I will be able to pick my wages up. I’ve had my holiday authorised so I will definitely be seeing Scott when I was hoping to, I really can’t wait it’s only 4 weeks!

I’m not looking forward to tomorrow because I have to bike to college and I feel really tired so I don’t really want to do it! At least I finish early tomorrow so I can get home and work on my website and getting it all ready!

Anyways I’m off to bed – hopefully something interesting will happen tomorrow

Love, Stacey xxx

Bit of an emotional day

Today has been a really up and down day. I don’t know why but I’ve been getting upset really easily, one minute I’m really happy then next I’m really sad… But as always Scott has been there for me to pick up the pieces and to cheer me up. I’m so glad I have him, this next 4 weeks are going to feel tough because it feels like so long since we’ve seen each other and the time is just dragging, I want to spend some time with my boyfriend like everyone else can, I want to be able to cuddle up, to kiss, to be able to talk in person, the things we should be able to do without the distance. I MISS HIM, so much I can’t even explain. I’m really looking forward to our second holiday together and to my 18th. My 18th is going to be great because for today I’ll be able to fall asleep in his arms and be able to wake up next to him.

Right now I’m just relaxing in front of the XFactor – I love it, I’ve watched every series and I’ve always had a favourite from early on.

My day has been pretty much spent on the phone to talking to Scott and in front of the TV – I also wrote another poem which I’m quite proud of. I’m at work tomorrow and I feel so drained I don’t have a clue how I’ll get through the day.

Love, Stacey xxx

Such a good ending to the day

Today at college was a pretty average day in terms of college. I didn’t do anything out of the ordinary. I started the day with Media, it went pretty well my group chose our song eventually it only took the whole lesson!

In my massive free I had a laugh with loads of people, spoke to Scott quite a bit, wrote a new poem and made some videos which I’ll edit and put on my youtube channel.

My last lesson was Business, I don’t know why but I really couldn’t focus. It really showed in the tests we did – I only scraped passes in them which is a lot lesson than I usually did.

I got home and spent 2 hours and 45 minutes talking to Scott on the phone, it was really nice because we haven’t been able to do it in so long with everything getting in the way. I really enjoyed just being able to talk without any interruptions – I feel bad now though because he got in trouble for it.

Over the weekend I’m going to work on my poetry and getting more videos on my poetry youtube channel I want to reach more people with my poems. I’m hoping to work towards getting some more likes on my facebook page too – I’ll probably have a busy day tomorrow then!

Love, Stacey xxx

Pretty Regular Day

Today has been such a long day. I really didn’t want to leave my bed this morning either.

My first lesson was Business Studies – it was a usual lesson, we learnt quite a few new bits and pieces and me, Zoe, Jess and Craig all had quite a laugh through the lesson which made the time go quite quickly.

My last lesson of the day was ICT but I had to wait 4 and a half hours until that started because that was the last period of the day. So now on Thursdays and Fridays (when I also have this massive free) I’ve started taking my laptop to college so I can write some poems, play solitaire and do some college work. Me and Milly played on solitaire for nearly an hour trying to beat my top score, she did it in the end.

When my last lesson finally started I was half asleep, but I did get to walk to it with Zoe and Kirsty, plus Chris walked with us most of the way there, (Zoe and Chris came and spent about 20 minutes at the end of my massive free with me out of the blue which was nice and we had a bit of a laugh). It turned out our ICT workshop was on our lesson today which shortened our usual lesson down to an hour instead of an hour and a half.  It worked out pretty well because it meant I got home half an hour early!

Me and Scott are great, I’m really enjoying being in our relationship right now, there was a point when all we did was argue and it made things so hard but right now we can both enjoy being together because we don’t ever argue which is great! I love how we’re there for each other and I can’t wait to see him in just over 4 weeks. I tried booking the time off I need off from work today but I haven’t had a reply so I’m going to try my other boss.

My day other than that wasn’t pretty exciting – nothing out of the ordinary happened – just a regular day for me.

Love, Stacey xxxx

Pretty Chilled Out Day

I’ve spent quite a bit of time catching up on Dan’s blog (http://www.intogeek.net/). I don’t read many blogs but I really think Dan’s blog is worth reading.

Anyways down to today, it’s been a pretty relaxed day today. I’ve only had one lesson in the whole day! That’s why I love Wednesdays. We started our coursework today, ICT coursework is great, I don’t know why I just really love it. I can’t wait to get going on it for this year as we have one massive project that lasts the whole year.

Once I got home I wrote a few new poems which are on my poetry blog, http://esjaeofficial.blogspot.com/. Then I had to head out to the doctors – I want to go on the pill – I had an appointment with the nurse but because they wrote down my appointment wrong I couldn’t actually get the pill prescribed to me. I need to make another appointment for Monday with a doctor. The overall appointment wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.

I’m really proud of Scott with his football too. I’m so proud of how far he’s got with it, and how well he is doing. Sometimes it doesn’t go as well as he wants but he always puts everything he has into it and now he’s seeing some results of his efforts. I’m very proud of how far he’s come with it all!

Now I’m sat writing this, I’m planning on spending my evening writing some more poems and getting some more people looking at them and giving me feedback.

You might have noticed I’ve changed the layout on here – I like it like this, it’s more me!

Love, Stacey xxxx

Bit of a disaster…

My day started off as a bit of a disaster, well it felt worse than it was until now and I’m looking back on it!

My sister drove me to pick up my bike first thing so that I could bike to college once I got to my Dad’s work it turned out I have yet another puncture so my Dad had to give me a lift into college – I guess that was pretty good as it saved me cycling.

I had a free first thing at college, i spent it writing up some notes for Business Studies and then I ended up getting slightly distracted by playing solitaire on my laptop… BUT I did get some work done which never happens in my frees so I was rather proud of myself.

My first official lesson of the day was Business Studies, on Tuesdays we have our finance lessons I really love my business lessons and today wasn’t any different. I really understood everything and it’s great to not have to work crazily hard to make sure I actually understand something academic. I don’t think people really understand how hard it is for me to concentrate in class and to take things in (they thought I had a learning/ behavioural problem then I was younger) but I’ve finally found a subject I can really understand.

I then had another free – sometimes it feels like I have more frees than I have actual lessons! I just spent it messing around with people, talking and having a laugh.

Last lesson of the day was Media, we were meant to be listening to the tracks we were going to pick from to make our music video to for our coursework. We were half way through this when I got a text from Scott saying we were over. I got quite upset over it and turned my phone off for about 3 hours… It was a bit of a mistake because once I turned my phone back on it turns out it wasn’t Scott who sent the message but some of his mates from college as a joke that wasn’t very funny. We have sorted everything now and it’s back to ‘us’.

The picture up there, is a poem I wrote for my boyfriend and I’ve decided to add it to my portfolio I’m hoping to record it and put it on my youtube channel!

Anyways I need to get down to doing some Business Studies homework.

Love, Stacey xxxx

It’s time to start a fresh…

Right so I’ve written a couple of blogs before but this one is going to be different, for a start I’m going to actually update it!

It’s going to have the real life stuff that happens in my daily life no secrets just the honest truth on how I’m feeling.

Tonight I started again with blogger, twitter and youtube – they had all become crammed with junk and the easiest way to clear them was to start a fresh.

So I’ll start with today.

I had a pretty good start to the day, I got given a lift into college which was great because cycling is so tiring at the moment, I have no idea why.

Once I got into college there wasn’t really anyone in first thing, it was only me and Matt we had a bit of a laugh and then it was off to first lesson, which for me on a Monday is ICT with Tom. It was great I got one of the highest in the class on the mini test 7/8 it was quite an improvement on what I was getting last year. The lesson was spent working on databases and improving our knowledge on some the theory of using access and databases. This year our college has started this thing where one of our three lessons is an hour instead of an hour and a half and the last half an hour is a workshop, today was our workshop day in ICT and because I was up to date with my work it meant I could leave early.

At break me, Stuart, Sam and Matt had a bit of a laugh talking about phones.

My second lesson and last real lesson of the day was Media Studies – I enjoy this subject but I don’t like the fact that my media class from last year was split up. But I am working with Jake and Ruri (I think that’s how you spell his name) and we have a laugh which is pretty good and I think we’ll produce a good piece of coursework together.

I have tutorial to finish my day on a Monday and today it was fairly pointless for me because we were discussing university course but I already know what I want to do – Business Studies.

My college day finished a bit later today because I had a Health Champions meeting discussing what we want to do over the year, but only me and Zoe turned up!

I’ve been a little bit off with Scott tonight without meaning to be – I’ve been so caught up in sorting out my new accounts I have been neglecting him…. I feel really bad, I’m going to have to think of a way of making it up to him and surprising him with something!

I’m looking forward to my timetable tomorrow because I have Business Studies. But I’m really worried about Scott because he has to go to the doctors to sort out his ankle and I know how much he hates going to the doctors and the hospital but I know he’ll be okay!

Love, Stacey xxx