Bit mixed up

Today has been a bit of a mixed day really.

I feel so alone at the moment: At college – all of my mates are in couples or have ‘crushes’  and are all tied up in their own thing. With Scott – he’s achieving so much with his football I feel like I’m letting him down because I haven’t really achieved anything in the whole time we’ve been together, he’s always raising money for a charity, working, playing football for his college team… doing so much and I’m proud of everything he’s done but me, I’m doing nothing. No wonder he called me a loner on the phone today…

The good point in my day – my signed Alan Sugar book arrived… But I won’t reading it any time soon because I have too much work to do.

Family won’t talk to me about anything they’re all to busy doing their own thing.

Me and Scott hardly get to talk anymore, either I’m working, he’s out with his mates, I’m doing college work, he’s doing college work, he’s playing football… it’s so hard to just have a conversation anymore.

I wish I felt like I had close friends like I used to but ever since I started college I haven’t felt like I’m close to anyone there anymore.

I wish I could do something –to make people (my family & Scott) proud of me. To make them notice and not think I’m a waste of space.

Part of me wants to cancel my 18th and just forget about it all… What’s the point in celebrating when I have no one to celebrate with – I was meant to sort out going for a meal with my mates but, I don’t really know if I want to. I don’t see the point in going out to celebrate with my family either when I hardly talk to them anyway…

Love, Stacey xxx